God’s longing

112

+JMJ

We all dream of finding great love and a life of happiness with the beloved. It took me a long time to realize that it is right in front of me, in the Blessed Sacrament, in a greater way than could be found anywhere else. I spent my years in high school and university seeking this love in other places and each time leaving with an unsatisfied heart: nothing was enough. It was unfair of me to expect infinite love from other people, yet looking back, this is what I wanted.

Instead of finding it in other people, I had a conversion. Even so it took me a bit of time to open up to Jesus. For me, it was something gradual. Yet when at last His love began reaching my soul, it was something I never knew existed. How to describe the deep joy, the feeling of being set free, totally understood, loved, – not like in any earthly love, but infinitely infinitely more, because to no human love can we give our hearts so completely. There’s no way I could ever earn such a love, yet it was there, and it’s there for each of us. It’s there even if you’re coming to it with a lifetime of sin and failure.

And yet, God does not do all His work in our souls in one step. He could, as He could do anything, – but we open our hearts to Him bit by bit. Though in my imagination I felt like it’s not possible for God’s love to be even greater, I saw later that there is no limit to His love and our understanding of it is like a drop in an endless ocean.

I read about that idea of God’s love being infinite, and I didn’t get it, and I still don’t get it. I don’t see the depth of it, and so often, these ideas just seem like so many words – ideas we believe, but have not met. Of course, we don’t meet ideas, we meet Jesus Himself, – He is not content with only showing us about Himself; He wants us to KNOW Him.

Know like how the bride in the Song of Songs knows her Beloved, and seeks Him alone: “I found Him whom my soul loveth: I held Him, and I will not let Him go” (Douay-Rheims).

I never knew about God’s longing for us until I started to read about this in Catholic books. Not an impersonal “us” – but for YOU, for me. Personally, intimately. He longs to immerse us in His love, to unite us so closely with Himself that we become one with Him. He is always the Gentle Saviour, but this longing is something more vehement, like a fire, that consumes His Heart in the Blessed Sacrament, as He waits there for us – alone, day and night, on a cold ciborium. The Prisoner of Love. How much must He want instead to make His home in our hearts, – to enter into us in Holy Communion.

The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air nests, but the Son of Man hath not where to lay His head” (Luke 9:58).

O Jesus, let my heart, be that place.

There are words of Jesus that continue to amaze me whenever I read them. When I first read them, it’s like I discovered hidden places in my heart that I have not yet surrendered or given to Him. Past wounds that now bring me closer to His love, as He makes Himself the only answer to all my desires.

These words were spoken by Jesus to a nun, Sr Mary of the Holy Trinity:

“Give Me your heart – that heart which creatures do not know and which they slight; it is more than a universe to Me, because I love you”.

More than a universe! This little heart, that compared to the universe is like an atom or less. If we see His longing for us… this longing that lead Him to the Cross, caused Him to cry out “I thirst” as He was dying in anguish, and that now consumes Him as a prisoner in our Tabernacles – how could we not give ourselves unreservedly to Him? The God who made Heaven, the stars, planets, oceans and everything there is – He has all, all except the one thing He wishes that we could give – our little hearts. Poor as they are, His unspeakable love and desire for them is what drew Him from Heaven to be made Man, and be nailed to the Cross, and continue seeking us from eternity.

“For our God is a consuming fire” (Hebrews 12:29, Douay-Rheims)

(the quote is from the book ‘Words of Love’, compiled by Fr Bartholomew Gottemoller, TAN books, Charlotte, North Carolina, 2012).

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Poem to Mother Mary

Doves and the Heart of Mary

+JMJ

Prayer to the Queen of Heaven and Earth from Her little slave of Love

in Thanksgiving for my Total Consecration to Jesus through Mary (June 27th, 2009)

I.

Mother, this day is a secret,

See how well I hide it.

I walk through the streets,

See how ordinary I am.

People pass me by,

They do not suspect… the world does not know.

Sun turns to twilight, the clock ticks,

with every step I come closer.

Only a little further.

There is the steeple, the cross…

The familiar little church.

There is my Love hidden.

Do you hear my heart beating?

There You wait for me,

Ready to take my heart.

O, You have captured me!

I open the door…

II.

O Mother, dare I say these words.

You see all the Angels listen.

The court of Heaven awaits.

I have only but a moment,

I dare not hesitate.

O Holy Angels, help me!

The Queen of Heaven is my Mother,

and I come poor, dressed in rags.

How poor is my heart.

My Jesus, does this please You?

O tell me, please speak!

III.

Lovely Lady,

I see your beauty and I’m speechless.

I see your purity and I’m dust.

You have a crown of stars like diamonds,

And the moon is under your feet.

O cover me with your mantle.

Your Heart is radiant,

Let all darkness flee.

See how fearful I am

The enemy of my soul pursues me

he is almost at the door,

he taunts me with my sin.

This day is like no other,

and I have no courage.

Let me only say your name,

And I will live.

O Mary, Mary!

How lovely is your name.

I will write it out with jewels,

I will sing it with the Angels.

You fill my heart with joy.

IV.

Blessed Mother, receive these roses,

formed in the depths of my heart.

Each rose, a Hail Mary.

Fervently I prayed them,

To proclaim you Blessed.

They are not like the roses of the Saints.

Their fragrance less heavenly,

Their colours less brilliant,

And they barely resemble roses at all.

They grew in a dark valley,

Far from the sun.

I carried them here with utmost care

Yet how I wish to give you a greater gift!

V.

O Mama, what sweetness!

Raise me from the ground,

Hold me trembling to your Heart.

Speak tenderly to me.

I look into your eyes,

And forget the things of earth

Jesus,

Your Love is my priceless treasure, my bliss.

Kind, gentle Mother,

how long must I wait?

~Totus Tuus~

(image credit: http://holycardheaven.blogspot.ca/

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/

image unaltered)

Song of Hope

048

+JMJ

Another song that I wrote, this was during a difficult time, so it’s about suffering. I hope that it can be an encouragement to someone who needs it.

You said blessed are those who suffer

But why does it hurt this much

When my soul is so restless

And this world is like a cage

When all seems desolate before me,

When I have nowhere to turn

O say that You are in me,

Find me, help me carry on

O how can I be lonely

With Your Sacred Heart in mine

And how did I forget

That You hold the broken in Your arms

Then You turn to me and say..

My child,

Why do you fear,

Why did you lost hope,

That I gave..

(Chorus)

Your words

Are truer than my fears

More certain than all doubts

More piercing than a sword

More glorious than the stars beyond the clouds

Your love, more consuming than fire

Is stronger than death

More brilliant than the sun

And You are mine..

“I am Yours and You are mine”

As I carry my cross beside You

Often I forget

How You bled and died and suffered

The example that You set

I forget the way is narrow

Strewn with thorns and stones and rocks

And the way to endless glory

Is through nothing but the Cross

O with You, loss is gain..

I would give all

To find You,

Only You..

(Chorus)

Let me gaze upon You, Jesus

As a victim, all for love

You are pleading for our salvation

To our Heavenly Father above

As the Blood streams down Your Body

And the thorns entwine Your Head

Your Heart pierced for our transgressions

Thirsting, loving without end

O let me die beside You

To the world, to all my cares

Hide me in Your wounds, dear Jesus

There – lost, detached, beyond all fears

As I look into Your eyes

My Jesus,

Receive my heart

My soul, my life

(Chorus)

(In quotation marks: from Song of Songs)

Your Kingdom Come

448

+JMJ

This is another song that I wrote, but the words just sort of came during prayer so I don’t really take credit for it. Fiat+

Words from Jesus to Sr Josefa Menendez:

“I love those who after a first fall come to Me for pardon . . . I love them still more when they beg pardon for their second sin, and should this happen again, I do not say a million times but a million million times, I still love them and pardon them, and I will wash in My Blood their last as fully as their first sin. Never shall I weary of repentant sinners, nor cease from hoping for their return, and the greater their distress, the greater My welcome.” (Jesus’ words to Sr Josefa Menendez, “Way of Divine Love”, TAN books)

From a thousand follies

You have raised me into light

And brought the gift of healing

To a weak and broken heart

You set my heart on fire

And like the blaze of midday sun

You entered

And conquered

And took me by surprise

(Chorus)

O Love so unknown

Who forgives “not a million

but a million million times”

Come and overcome this world

And let Your Will reign

On earth as in Heaven

And Your Kingdom come

O let Your Kingdom come

In eternal glory

Beyond the reach of sinful ways

Countless Angels adoring

Saints falling before Your Holy Face

Embraced in Your Heart

So resplendent with love

Consumed,

They rejoice

In Your mansions above

(Chorus)

Come and show us Your Heart

As we call on Your Name

Receive the incense of our praise

How can it be, that the King of all Kings

Would give His life for me

(repeat last two lines)

Come and show us Your Will

As we seek for Your Face

And receive all that we have…

How can it be that the Lord of all Lords

Would long this much for me

(repeat last two lines)

You are more than the world to me

You are more than the world to me

(Chorus)

(In quotation marks: quote from “Way of Divine Love”, Sr Josefa Menendez, TAN books.)

Come to My Arms

059

+JMJ

This is a song that I wrote, based on some words that Jesus inspired me with during a difficult time.

Why do you fear

When you are before Me?

Why do you weep

and turn from My Face?

I see your pain

Your sins and your weakness,

Come to My arms

Run to My embrace

For you I suffered

Hours of anguish,

For you I died,

All to gain your love

My Heart was crushed

By measureless sorrow

For you My Head

Was pierced with the thorns.

Will you then trust Me,

And call Me your Saviour

Will you let Me take you

To Heaven above?

Have I disappointed?

Have I ever left you?

My child, believe Me

Entrust Me your soul

This cross is too heavy

For your weary shoulders

But closer together

We’ll bear it all

Your Shepherd is gentle

He knows your pain

He’ll guide you to pastures

And endless delight

Do not fear trials

The path that is narrow,

The rocks and the cliffs

That hide Me from sight

Beyond them I’m standing

Yet I’m also with you

I am the way

I’ll watch from above

Will you then trust Me?

And follow Me always

And close your eyes

As I carry you there

Let me hold you

And carry you there